Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My mind on Overdrive...not a good thing....

These last few weeks have been super tough on me, and I think for the Litter’s father too.  So much change going on, we’re trying to deal with it the best we can but we’ve had enough change to last a lifetime, and it hasn’t been good change.
With the Litter starting school it’s really hit us that 1st in the Litter will be a freshman next year.  Where did the time go?  I think about 2nd in the Litter playing football.  Dad had said he was sorry he didn’t make it to any of his games last year.  I told him it was fine we’ve got plenty of years; if only I could go back!  3rd in the Litter is growing; she’s doing cartwheels, handstands all sorts of stuff.  4th in the Litter is in 1st grade.  My baby, 1st grade!!!  WHOA!! 
And yet we’re amongst another change, one I knew would come along but wasn’t ready for it.  One I fear is gonna be the end of it all, I cross my fingers praying it won’t be but preparing for it. (let me clarify...not the end of the Litters parents!!!!  We're ok!)

And the biggest change we’ve endured….Dad (the Litters fathers’ dad).  We said our goodbyes in January.  It’s been 6 months last Monday.  It’s hard not being able to pick up the phone and call him when I need advice or when I’ve had a good hunt.  So does it get any easier? 
I started telling God thank you for letting me meet such a wonderful and loving husband, for his parents to welcome me, 1st in the Litter & 2nd in the Litter into their family with open arms, & for showing me what a real earthly father is like even if it was for a short time.
So, has it gotten easier; not completely but I do think its better.  (For those of you who don't dad left when I was 2 years old, I know who he is but he's never EVER been a father!)
I ran across this poem, I thought whoever wrote it did a wonderful job!


When I am gone release me let me go.
I have so many things to see and do.
You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears,
Be thankful for our many beautiful years
I gave to you my love.

You can only guess
How much you gave to me in happiness,
I thank you for the love you each have shown,
But now it's time I traveled on alone.

So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must,
Then let your grief be comforted by trust.
It's only for a time that we must part,
So bless the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away, for life goes on.
So if you need me, call and I will come,
Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near.
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear
All my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone,
I'll greet you with a smile and say~

One think I like to think of is…100 years in Heaven is like 1 minute here on earth!  It's a little bit easier to think in the realm that we won't be "too far behind." Yes, I miss our loved ones dearly, and sometimes think that many years will go by before I see them again. But if I use that analogy, I can silently pray for the ones I miss, and gently whisper: "I'll be with you in a minute!"
For them, it'll be like they went inside a restaurant as I parked the car and caught up with them before they were seated. It's just a matter of minutes in eternal time.
 I want to share this video with ya.  It puts a smile on my face but also brings a tear.

Things always change; time never stops no matter how bad we want it too!  However, not all change is bad.  Like the weather...we have seasons, and if it EVER decides to change to colder weather, well, that's a GOOD change!!!  Or when……I can’t think of anymore…but I’m sure if I had time I could…maybe.

I hope I didn’t make anyone sad.  These are just my thoughts and they’ve been on over drive.  Think I just need to express them.  So thank you for reading and going through this with me.  I promise next time it won’t be so sad, or sappy! 
Until then…. <3 The Litters mom

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you are making progress Shayla! Hang in there young lady, you are strong and a wonderful role model for the young ones you have! Now make the memories for yours that Jay made with you! You are making him very proud!